The Duologue.

"What makes you happy?"
"Walking barefoot."

"Why?"

He gulped.

"I don't understand the question."

"What don't you understand?"

"The question."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't just indicate the reasons it makes me happy."

Pause.

"Happiness should be felt, not reasoned with words and explanations."

"Let me rephrase then; what do you feel while walking barefoot?"

"Happiness."

"Would you say this is true happiness? Or joy?"

"It's a joy that causes me happiness."

"Where do you like walking barefoot?"

"In nature, usually."

"Why there?"

"Because nature makes me feel free."

Another pause.

"I feel at ease, I feel comfort."

"And you don't get such feelings when with people?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Because even the most affable open-minded person can judge me."

"Are you afraid of judgement?"

"I'm afraid of what I'll do to such people."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't like being judged."

"Judgement can be a good thing."

"When people don't know you then no, it isn't."

"Does anybody know you?"

"No."

"Does nature know you?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever thought of giving someone a chance?"

"I have."

"And?"

"I did."

"And?"

"I shouldn't have done it."

"Why not?"

"Because nobody will ever be willing to see me."

"You're absolute."

"People made me that way."

"Would you consider yourself hurt?"

"Yes. But it's not painful anymore."

"How come?"

"I've learned to not care."

"You care about nature."

"I don't."

"You don't?"

"I love nature."

"Isn't love caring?"

"Only nature deserves my affection."

"I see."

Long pause.

"I don't understand the use of any of this."

"Do you care to understand?"

He gulps again.

"No."

"I'd say you do."

"Do I?"

"Yes."

"And what makes you believe this?"

"You care enough to fool yourself into believing that you don't care."

"That's stupid."

"That's vulnerability."

"I'm not vulnerable."

"You were once."

"Not anymore."

"I think you are."

"I think you're hallucinating."

"I think you are so vulnerable that you've been struggling to shut yourself away from life because you feel so hurt that you think that one more wound would kill you."

"You're judging me."

"Is my judgement wrong?"

"Totally."

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"You're lying to yourself."

"I'm not."

"Lying to oneself makes everything easier, doesn't it?"

"Nothing makes everything easier. It just makes it bearly sufferable." 

"So you still hurt."

"I don't know how it is to not feel that way."

"So you feel."

"I feel nothing."

"You feel pain."

"I feel the nothing in me. That's the only thing I feel."

"What about love?"

"What about it?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Pause.

"So? Have you?"

"Yes."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Kind of."

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean nothing. Nothing happened."

"Did she love you back? Were you together?"

"No and no."

"Did you ever tell her about your feelings?"

"I did."

Pause.

"She told me she could never be with me."

"She told you this exactly?"

"In a more subtle way. But sort of, yeah."

"How did you feel about that?"

"I didn't believe her."

"Why?"

"I thought she was lying."

"Lying?"

"Yes. Lying to me and herself."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because she was afraid of the risk."

"Was there a risk?"

"Love is a risk."

"So what happened afterwards?"

"I kept hoping for a long time."

"But?"

"But it turns out I was just lying to myself."

"Just like now?"

"I'm not lying to myself right now. I have no reason to fool me or pretend. I have accepted my fate and my inability to change it."

"Your fate?"

"Yes. I believe some things happen because they were supposed to."

"So she wasn't supposed to love you?"

"No, she didn't want to love me."

"How can you tell the difference?"

"Because I know we were supposed to fall in love with each other."

"But?"

"But she never accepted her fate. She chose to turn me down."

"You're blaming her."

"Of course I do."

"Do you think you should have tried more?"

"Tried what more?"

"Flirt with her."

"I didn't just flirt with her."

"But?"

"I gave her my heart and soul and all she did was return them broken and empty, respectively."

"Do you think she's responsible for your current emotional state?"

"Yes. And no. I chose to be like this."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to love her anymore."

"You still love her?"

"I don't."

"Why are you lying to yourself?"

"Because I like it."

"What you're trying to convince yourself into feeling is not the truth, though."

"The truth caused all this."

"You mean her not loving you back."

"Apparently."

"Does walking barefoot remind you of her?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because she was like nature to me."

"Meaning?"

"She was me."

"Do you think you'll ever stop loving her?"

"Do you think nature will ever cease to exist?"

"Maybe."

"She will cease to exist, too."

"But not your love."

"Not my love."

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