A Flawed Return.

Dearest residue of love and persisting ache,

Despite my ongoing silence and self-imposed distance from allowing my thoughts to come to you,
I can still sense your aura around me; when I am awake or asleep. This lingering sensation of
yearning and unfulfilled desire.

I have tried to send you away to the land of oblivion, I have tried to let you stay so I can remember but how can I keep you here without feeling the pain of you not being here? Forgetfulness is a disrespectful void and remembrance is an excruciating reminder of this void so what should I do?

You are the void; the one who fills the void and the one who keeps it empty.

What is love when you only have yourself to show it to and what is this life when all the roads I choose to walk upon lead me to where you are. I am unable to fathom this profound turbulence that stirs the deadly stillness of my soul. What is easy does not make it easier for me to do.

I am consciously aware of your willful apathy yet I am enraptured by the fantasy that you might pretend.

How can I cease to give in to the workings of my imagination, how can I stop the feeling of your breath touching the skin on my chest or the subtle caress of your hair gently stroking the sides of my neck? You are the altar where all my sacred and most dark wishes take place.

You still hold my strings and make me dance to the sound of your voice.

But in all my slavery, I am free. For you are the captor and the liberator. I am tangled among all the charms of your snare and tread the waters of freedom, savouring the sweet taste of being engulfed by the ivy that is you; attached to my body, and pressing tightly against it.

I am the holder of a love that is flawed and imperfect and I ask for forgiveness.

Forgive me for being on another land where the earth is not the one you lay your feet upon or the air is not the same as the one invading your lungs. I was born in another world and to a destiny much different than yours. But every night, my eyes behold the same sky your eyes meet.

You are nearer than I thought and I am not as afar as you wish I was.